It was with horror today that I realised I still had an active Times Online subscription.
It was like finding out I’d been unwittingly funding criminals for months…oh hang on…
No-one wants to knowingly give money to Rupert Murdoch; the fact we almost certainly and without our knowledge, line his silken pockets on a daily basis is horrible enough (he does, after all, own everything that was ever made and probably just got a hefty pay out from the Christmas Slice I just ate) I can’t justify making a monthly donation to an on-line paper that doesn’t provide any information I can’t read about in the Metro each morning.
Ok, so there is one reason to keep wallowing in the dirt and shame of a post Times romp. The delectable, gorgeous and ALWAYS RIGHT, Caitlin Moran. She is, after all, the reason I made my pact and handed over my card details in the first place. The pain I feel at having to push her away from me tugs just as much as any actual break up I’ve ever had with an actual human being who actually knew me. Ever.
From now on I shall have to satisfy myself with printing out her tweets, taping them altogether and sitting on the subway reading my makeshift Moran Daily.
It will just have to do.
As I swam through my Caitlin shaped tears I was puzzled, and not a little frustrated, to find there wasn’t a massive “LEAVE NOW” button to press on the website to deactivate my subscription. Surely they have been inundated with requests? I pegged open my eyes and scanned every inch of the FAQ sections, searched “I have found my morals and now want to leave, how?” and then simply just spoke into my computer and asked politely to be deactivated.
The Times make it very difficult for you to leave them.
I resigned myself to the fact I would have to become famous ensuring immediate phone tappage, then call my mum and tell her I wanted to end my subscription. I was counting on that whoever was listening in was a nice sort who would pass the information on to customer services for me.
Luckily, just as the ink was drying on my application for series two (GUFFAW!!) of Signed by Katie Price, I found out what you need to do, and it’s actually surprisingly easy!
Simply send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org stating that you wish your subscription to end.
(Here is the bit of blurb they sent me, which you may wish to read too:
“We have cancelled your online subscription to thetimes.co.uk and can confirm that no further monies will be debited from your account. (Provided you have given us 6 days notice from you Subscription agreement date.) Please note: No refunds will be made in respect of your subscription or registration payments. Please check our terms and conditions for full account termination information.”)
To be fair, they got back to me pretty quickly (almost within the hour) and there wasn’t the usual whiny questioning you get when you call places to cancel stuff. You can almost read “we totally understand why you are doing this, go….be free…..” between the lines of their prompt response.
I feel alot richer, morally and monetarily this Tuesday evening and hope providing this information will help others lost in the nightmarish world of the Times Online subscribtion.
Now I must learn to live in a Moran-less world….which must surely be of equal horror?
WHAT HAVE I DONE?!